Out of the Mouth of Babes.......

Hey, everybody! It’s me, Ali! Today I’m going to give you a taste of home – literally. I wanted to share some funny statements made by my brothers and I. Before I begin though, I will give you a little of my family background: I have three brothers named Alex, Anthony, & Aaron. Alex and Anthony are older than me and Aaron is a year younger. So, have fun reading funny little blurbs from our young childhood days!  

When Anthony was three, Mom began working on teaching him different colors. To Mom’s dismay, he called red, green and yellow fire truck, tractor and sunshine!

One day, while Mom was changing my newborn brother, Aaron’s diaper, three-year-old Anthony excitedly announced, “Look, Aaron’s electrical cord fell off!”…..referring to his umbilical cord.

A quote from Mom about Anthony when he was 4: “Apparently I occasionally tell you (Anthony), ‘You’re going to make me lose my patience’ because one day you said to me, ‘Mommy, I didn’t lose your patience today!’ “

A statement made by Anthony when he turned 4: “I’m growing big, my head is clear up to my hair!”  

One day 5-year-old Anthony told someone, “We have 3 kids in our family: Alex, Aaron and me.”  When asked, “What about Ali?”  Anthony replied, “Oh, she’s a girl!”

When I was little, I liked to climb in bed with the boys.  One evening Anthony said, “I sure hope Ali doesn’t wake me tonight ‘cause I’m desausted!”  

One day Anthony, who was six, sat on the steps with our song books, Bibles, and dollies. He said to me, “Ali, you sit up here in the valcony (balcony).”  “Okay,” I replied, “And you be the creature (preacher).”

A highlight of the year I turned five was raising baby chicks and butchering them.   Quite a learning experience for my whole family!  The morning after butchering, as we were sitting at the breakfast table, I said out of the blue, “I’m sure glad I’m not a chicken!”

A statement made by my brother, Alex, when he was six: “Someday I’m going to be an angel, Mom, but I don’t know how I’ll grow wings!” 

One evening as Mom and Dad were driving home from church, six-year-old Alex looked up at the sky and said, “God is up in heaven.  I can’t see God.  When is Jesus going to come?  Wait, I think I see Jesus’ feet coming down now!”

Another statement made by six-year-old Alex “How did God make Anthony?  Did he just put his head and arms together?” 

One day my little brother Aaron, who was about three, showed Mom his arm and said, “Look, Mom! I’m growing fur (hair) just like Dad!”

A statement made by 7-year-old Aaron when he wanted a haircut during harvest season: “Mom, when are you going to combine my hair?

-Ali Gator

Unique Cat Videos

Hey, everyone! What is one thing that is guaranteed to make us laugh? Cat videos! Here are two cat videos for you. The first one is a compilation of many different videos, and the second is a unique one I bet you've never seen before. Enjoy!

Enjoy the corny opening!




-Shadey Lady

Funny Facebook Statuses

People on Facebook can be stupid. We all know that. Some should really just get off the Internet and save themselves from humiliation. But a lot of the time, they can also be really funny. So what I have for you today is some hilarious Facebook statuses that had me--literally--rolling on the floor laughing.

I'm not sure which scares me more... that 'Chervon' didn't know the film Titanic wasn't the real Titanic or that 'Angelica' wasn't sure if it was a remake.

Poor guy didn't know what he was getting into.

The logic....

Poor little Riley =(

The brain capacity of this woman concerns me.

Not really someone on Facebook being stupid, but really, I just couldn't resist. #trolol

Props for trying, Captain Jack. I give you props.

Granite, granted. Same thing, right?

And lastly, superheroes on Facebook.

Thanks for reading, guys! Leave which post was your favorite in the comments down below! See ya Tuesday!

-Dani Lynn

If It Fits, I Sits.

Maybe you've heard of the term "if it fits, I sits." If not, you are in for a real treat (if you have you are still in for a treat)! It's making fun of the fact that cats always seem to get themselves into sticky situations. So, let's all have a good time by enjoying the stupidity (or maybe these were the product of an evil genius plan gone wrong. You never know with cats...) of these furry friends.



" Bow to me, hooman, or I will destroy you from inside my indestructible robot!"



It's like a little kitty muffin!



The term "if the shoe fits" just took on a whole new meaning...



From that moment on his nickname became "Flour". He was not very happy about this.



What in the world did this cat think he was doing?



Seriously, how the heck do cats do this?



So, cats love boxes...



Even big cats!...



And they don't seem to care what size the box is.



Apparently, it's not just cats who have taken on the "If it fits, I sits" mentality. Dogs seem to get in on the action, too.



Classy.



I guess foxes like it too.



And birds!



Snakes, too!



And even horses.

So, what do you think? Are you going to adopt the mentality "if it fits, I sits", like so many of our furry friends? No? Probably a wise choice. You don't want to end up like this guy...



Which picture was your favorite? Has your pet ever done anything like this before? Let me know in the comments!

~ Irma Gersh

Pried and Prejidus - Hillbilly Edtion

 Hey guys, I'm back with some more funny stuff. Check out my new video on my Youtube channel, Bear Hugger44. Me and my buddies had a lot of fun making this video, so I hope you give us some love and check it out! Leave me some feedback about the video and some suggestions on what we should do next. I hope you enjoy!

Video at http://youtu.be/rffFpmsS9vI or Youtube.com/BearHugger44

-BearHugger44

A Short Story

Hey, guys! Today we have something a little different for you. Below we have a short story written by four different people. Here's how it goes; Dani Lynn has written the first few paragraphs, Jordan Smith has wrote the next few paragraphs, and then Ali Gator has done the same, then Shadey Lady wrapped up our story. Each author's section will be separated by a double space. None of the writers knew where the story was going and what the other's would say. In addition, we all have very different tastes in writing and enjoy different genres, so stay tuned for this crazy story!

---

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Joe. Joe lived in a small cabin in the middle of Louisiana. He was out in his farm, feeding his horses for the morning, when a girl stumbled into the barn. “Missy! You’re here,” Joe said warmly, striding up to the girl to give her a hug.
“Hiya, there, Joe,” Missy replied in her sweet, southern accent. She took the boy’s hand and gave it a small squeeze before trotting over to the horses, pulling him along. “Look at these beauties,” she said softly, stroking the muzzle of a black stallion, Percy.
“I reckon there’s only one beauty here,” Joe said, looking directly at Missy.

Missy smirked slightly. A gunshot rang out, jarring Joe out of his trance. His eyes widened as Missy fell to the ground. Joe looked around frantically and saw a boy in a black hood holding a Colt revolver.
"That's for my pa." He growled, then turned the muzzle of the gun towards Joe. Joe fell to the ground and held Missy's bloodied body close to him. He waited for the second gunshot, but it never came. Joe looked up and saw nothing, but the open door of the barn.
Joe closed Missy's eyes and tried to make sense of what he had heard. What had the mysterious boy meant by 'that's for my pa'? What had Missy gotten herself into? Whatever it was had gotten her killed and Joe wanted revenge.
He pushed himself off of the dusty floor and laid Missy's lifeless body on the ground. He reached into the stall next to him and pulled out a pitchfork. It was the only weapon he could find. He searched for anything useful for a few minutes and found a scythe, which he jammed into his belt before grabbing Percy's reigns. He saddled up the black stallion and got on. He lead the horse to the entrance of the barn and looked back. Missy deserved a funeral, but Joe couldn't bring himself to be the only one there. He had put a cloth over her before saddling up. He whispered his good-bye and stepped outside.

Leaping onto Percy's back, Joe kicked him into a gallop. Wind whipped though his hair and he bent lower over Percy's head. Anger burned deep inside him, and he guided Percy heedlessly toward the woods, bent on finding the hooded figure, though he knew not where.
The crack of a gun sounded behind Joe and a bullet embedded itself in a tree beside him. Joe reigned in hard and Percy rose on his forelegs as the bit cut into his mouth. Joe whirled the plunging horse around and stared in astonishment. The hooded figure stood before him, a gun in one hand and a dagger dripping blood in the other. At his feet lay one of Joe's horses, dead. Joe screamed in rage and his hand went to his side, scythe stuck in his belt. His hand closed on thin air. It was gone! Waves of fear washed over him as he saw the figure lift the gun and press his finger against the trigger.

A bang rang out and Joe was about to fall to his knees when a sudden yell was heard across the set, "CUT! CUT!" As the director called for the end of the filming, all the actors let out a sigh and relaxed, unaware of the storm brewing. "That was horrible! Missy! What was that? Your death was pathetic and overdramatic. And who placed these props? A pitchfork and scythe? Seriously! People want lasers and guns! Not a scythe! Nobody even knows what that is!" The director was absolutely livid. Missy ran off the movie set, sobbing. Joe just felt exhausted as the makeup artists came on set and prepared him for the next scene where he was supposed to be abducted by aliens. Why did I ever agree to act in this horrible movie? he thought. Guess who's agent is getting fired tomorrow?
The director's cries for coffee were suddenly interrupted by his cellphone ringing. He flipped it open as he walked out the door on his way to his cluttered office. Joe took a seat on the edge of the set and wondered if he would ever make it big.
The director returned ten minutes later, announcing he had big news. "Gather around and listen up!" he said. "That was the boss. He wants us to trash this movie. But you guys aren't fired. Head over to building eight, they're running short on staff."
A fellow actor called out, "What movie is being filmed in building eight?"
The director looked down at his paper and read a name off the paper. "Star Trek Episode Four: The Voyage Home" 
And that is how the world came to know the name Joe Lando. 


---

Thanks for reading, guys! Don't hesitate to comment down below, leaving your thoughts! See ya Tuesday!

True or False? Answers Revealed

How's it going, guys? Well, as the title kinda gives away, I am answering the questions for the true or false post. To read the stories, just scroll till you find it. ;)

The first story is true. I was really bored and I had nothing to do so I popped in one of my favorite movies and watched it 8 times. seemed like fun. Fun fact: my parents banned me from watching that movie for two months after that day.

The second story is also true. Who knew that there were rednecks in Vermont? My West-Virginian dad didn't. Another fun fact: when the cop went back and didn't come back for thirty minutes, I started bawling out my eyes. I thought they were gonna put my dad in jail or something and that I would be left all alone in the police station for hours while my mom drove to Vermont.

The last story is sadly false. The story was heavily inspired (A.K.A. taken directly from) Pokémon Blue. Your rival, Blue, gets a Squirtle (a tiny turtle for those of you who don't know) if you choose Charmander (a little lizard) in the game. So the story was taken from that. Fun fact once again: though I have never personally played Blue or Red, I have played the remakes FireRed and LeafGreen. Yup, my first gen was generation 3. That means nothing to those of you who don't play Pokémon, but it is kind of a big deal.

Well, that's it. The inside information for all of you who were just dying to know what the answer is to that age-old question; true or false?

-Jordan Smith

Escape from Inniswood Metro Garden

            One day in the Winter of 2014, my mom and I decided to take a walk at Inniswood Metro Gardens to enjoy the deep snow on the ground.  My mom had broken her wrist several weeks before and couldn't drive, so my dad drove us over and dropped us off.  We walked around until the park was almost ready to close and then we waited near the parking lot for my dad to come.  We soon saw the park ranger drive by in his pickup truck. 

            "You know, I think the ranger may have locked the gate," said my mom. We  walked a considerable distance out to the park gate and found it shut up tight!  The ranger had checked for cars in the parking lot before he locked the gate, and our van wasn't there because my dad had dropped us off.  We had already been out for about an hour and were getting quite cold. 

            My mom had a cell phone with her, which we used  to call my dad.  Then we checked the fences to see if we could climb over them.  There wasn't any chance of that at all because the fences were 10 feet high, and because we were in big boots and snow pants which would have made it even harder to climb.  We also checked to see if we could squeeze under the gate.  That was impossible as well because there was very little space under it.  My mom began looking for emergency phone numbers in a park magazine we had picked up earlier.  We thought we were going to have to call the park ranger to unlock the gate and let us out of the park. 

            When my dad arrived, he didn't know what to do, so we prayed to God for help.  Then my dad noticed a fairly large opening between a 6 foot high stone pillar and the black wrought iron scrollwork.  He thought that it might be big enough for us to crawl through.  We succeeded in climbing up onto the pillar and through the opening to get out of the park.  This was a very suspenseful experience for my mom and me.  Now it makes a good story.  Here is a picture of the opening we used to climb out.  The arrow shows where the hole is:

 

Here is a close-up of the hole:

I hope you enjoyed my story

- D.E. Frangipani

Some Gut-Busters

Hey, everybody! Since this is a comedy blog, I think it's time to get some jokes on here so you can tell all your friends and family! Give me some feed back once you finish getting off the floor from laughing so hard. I'd like to hear from you guys about what you think of this post and if I should keep on looking for more gut-busters. Comment on which one is your favorite! I hope you enjoy!


     The Teacher says to the class: Whoever stands up in class is stupid.
     (Nobody stands up)
     Teacher: I said whoever stands up is STUPID!
     (Little Johnny stands up)
     Teacher: Johnny, do you really think you are stupid?
     Johnny: No, Miss, I just thought you were lonely, because you're the only one standing up.
 

     I was at a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized that I really needed to pass some gas. The music that was playing was really loud, so I timed my gas to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I realized that a lot of people were staring at me. That's when I realized I was listening to my iPod.
 

     Teacher: Who ever answers my next question gets to go home early today.
     (One boy throws his backpack out the window)
     Teacher: Who threw that backpack out the window?!
     Boy: I did, and I'm going home now.


     Bubba was bragging to his boss one day. "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss calls his bluff, "Okay, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yeah, Tom and I are old friends. I can prove it, too." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Cruise's door. Sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right on in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that him knowing Tom Cruise is just lucky.
"No, no, just name someone else," Bubba says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over.
"Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee."
His boss is very shaken by now, but still isn't totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope for a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in the Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eyes among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me go upstairs and I'll come out with the Pope on the balcony." He disappears into the crowd, heading toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time  Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony, and the man next to me said, 'Who's that man on the balcony with Bubba?'" 


 - Bear Hugger44

True or False?

Hey, guys! So the idea behind this post is, I'm going to tell you three stories. Then, in the comments, you have to guess whether or not the story/stories are true or if they are false. Let's begin!

Story 1- I woke up at 7:45 am and decided I wanted to rewatch the Dark Knight. I put the disk in and sat on the couch. I opened a forum on my laptop and started roleplaying as I watched. When it finished, I hit play again. And again. And again. In total, I ended up watching this movie 8 times in one day.

True or False?

Story 2- I went on a business trip with my dad. We were driving in the beautiful state of Vermont when the GPS gave us a sudden direction to 'TURN LEFT NOW!' He yanked the wheel hard and we made the turn. A couple miles down the road, Dad looked in his rearview mirror. A jacked-up truck--seriously, it was practically a Monster Truck--was following us. To test this theory, Dad pulled to the side. The big truck tried to corner us. They were really bad at doing a roadblock though, and Dad easily drove our van around them.

The truck followed us for a long period of time, before a white car joined in on the chase. Now both of these vehicles were chasing us. Then, another vehicle pulled out of the driveway and stopped in front of us. Dad started backing up and the truck and car tried to block us. Dad stopped, but the truck kept coming at us. The driver opened his door and hung out, yelling who knows what at my Dad. My dad went off the road slightly and got past the road block.

We sped away. Dad kept looking into the mirror to see if they were following us. He pulled off the road into this camping-type area. It was getting dark so, to avoid being found, Dad turned off the head lights and slowly creeped along the path. An off shoot led away from the camping area, and Dad took it. We parked there for a few minutes. At this point, eight-year-old me is freaked out of his mind. Eventually, Dad decided it was safe enough to pull out and try and find our way back. Ahead, we saw cop lights, so Dad headed in that direction. We got pulled over by the cop and Dad was about to launch into this story, when the cop comes to the door and says, "We have reports that you are driving recklessly." My Dad stares at the cop before going into his story. He tells the guy what happened, and that he would've stopped but I was there and he didn't know what those guys would do.

The cop walked back to his car and sat, talking to someone. Dad looked in his mirror. "You've gotta be kidding me," Dad said. In the passenger seat, was the passenger of the white car. The cop comes back and says he's sorry and that it won't happen again. It turns out that the deputy of the town we were in was related to the entire posse. Dad asked for directions back to the road we needed, and we drove off. I still think we should've pressed charges for scaring an eight-year-old boy to tears.

True or False?

Story 3- When I turned ten, I ran downstairs to open my presents. My entire family was awake, which was in and of itself strange seeing as it was a Saturday, and it was only 9:00 am. They said happy birthday to me and stuff, but wouldn't let me open my presents. In about an hour, I found out why. Grandpa and Grandma came in and said happy birthday. Grandpa had a gift behind his back, but that was going to be the last gift I opened. I opened all my gifts and my day was perfect. Then Grandpa set down a square-ish looking box in front of me. I ripped it open and found a cage with a tiny turtle in it.

"SCORE!" I yelled. "A brand new pet!" Grandpa was a zoologist, so he often gave pets as presents, but he had never given me one before. Grandpa told me about some special contests in the area that I could train the turtle for. I dubbed the turtle's name Splash. I know, real inventive. Over the next few months, I really got into training my turtle to do awesome tricks and cool moves. After only three months of preparation, I started entering contests. Splash and I were actually pretty good at it, and we won 8 competitions. This qualified us to go to the Regional Grand Championship. I almost won, even got to the final round, before Splash was beaten by some punk's lizard. The worst part of all was that I didn't even get a trophy. I got some stupid Certificate, which basically said, "Good Job." I may never get over Splash. He died in 2000.

True or False?

Well, that's it! Which of these stories are true? Which of them are false? You're guess is as good as mine. Except not...

~Jordan Smith

The Art of Nicknames

The world’s worst not-bad-enough-to-keep-you-from-missing-school-but-bad-enough-to-annoy-you cold had been raging in our house for over a month. One of my sisters was not being vigilant enough in wiping her nose and was grossing us out. In an attempt to improve this situation, my Mom began calling her Boogers Hang Down when she needed a tissue. Not ones to miss an advantage, my siblings and I have continued calling her this even though it’s not a problem now. With the desire to get revenge, she has been desperately trying to come up with counter-nicknames. She’s tried Fat Face, Fart Face, Pig Face, Fat Pig, and Talks-a-lot. She struck gold when she came up with Running Stream from the Nose for my sister who was still sick. This has now been shortened to plain old Running Stream. I have suggested to her numerous names for myself. The secret is to suggest any names you’d prefer she not call you, and she will never call you them, simply because she thinks you’d like it.

A while before the long, horrible cold incident, the yet-to-be-dubbed Boogers Hang Down embarked on a deal with me, which is usually a bad idea. Her hair is always a rat’s nest when she wakes up, so I had started calling her Bedhead. She was getting annoyed with me so I said she could call me Ernesto de Pantelonez if I could call her Bedhead. She agreed. The trick here was to burst into a smile whenever she called me Ernesto de Pantelonez. It took the fun out of the “mean” nickname for her, and she stopped calling me Ernesto after the second or third time. I’m still ruthless with Bedhead, and whenever she complains, I remind her of our deal.

The nickname thing has been in the family for a while. In fact, my whole family is kind of crazy with nicknames. My dad especially has a long history of assigning people names. When he was a kid he gave everyone in his family “Indian names”. Though most of the names have been lost to time, my grandma’s was rather hard to forget. Buffalo Chip still tells us the story with wry humor. Nowadays, my dad has taken to calling her Baze. His brothers are Jed and Jay. Harold T. Bajarold, Peekerold, Lantern Waist, and Kerosene Lantern were all pet names he called me. He still calls me them occasionally, but most of them have been transferred to my younger siblings. A long time friend of the family calls me Beula and one of my cousins calls me Carlisselle. Another of my cousins has been yoked with the name Abignail, a con artist from the movie Catch Me if You Can. I think I originally gave it to her when she was explaining how she could finagle herself into a sleep-over if she forgot to mention a few details to certain people. I decided to give my little brother the nickname Little Bilbo. It just kind of popped out. Trend setter that I am, several other members of the family have also taken to calling him Little Bilbo or Little Bil for short.

With our history in name making, many more names are sure to follow, and you can put your names into history, too. I’d love to hear your favorite nicknames, and my sister would love to hear of a worthy name for me to rival Boogers Hang Down.

-Summer

Why You Should Use Spell Check

It's even more embarrassing since this sign was next to a main street downtown. Really makes me want to go there! (Note the sarcasm.)

It's quite amusing how one little line can make all the difference. 

What's even worse is that these signs were a short distance away from each other.

                  

                 ~Shadey Lady